Buddhist Thoughts on Humor

Laughter and a sense of humor can be a universal index of spiritual development. Scientists in Japan, explained that wholehearted laughter is good for your heart and your health in general.

Use self-effacing humor with humility. Practice letting everything in with acceptance and a lack of fragility. By not taking yourself too seriously you are less likely to get wounded.

This type of humor builds trust, leveling everyone in the room. With humor we can let go of our tight gripping sense of who we are. It breaks down the social barriers that separate us. It does not belittle but uplifts us, allows us to recognize and laugh about our shared humanity, about our shared vulnerabilities, and our shared frailties. Life is hard and laughter is how we come to terms with all the ironies, cruelties and uncertainties that we face.

Humor is something that you can cultivate. Like anything else, it is a skill. It helps if you have the inclination, or if you can laugh at yourself. It’s about humility. Laugh at yourself and don’t be pompous or serious. If you start looking for the humor in life, you will find it. You will stop asking, Why me? and start recognizing that life happens to all of us. It makes everything easier, including your ability to accept others and accept all that life brings.

Compassion means letting go of self-identity

Fear makes you self-absorbed. If you are self-absorbed you get brittle and mean. If you are mad or fearful you can’t be compassionate. Compassion will come naturally when you feel completely safe. Just noticing the fear invites it to leave. Being compassionate means the war in your head is over.

Compassion is present when you let go of your self-identity. Let go of making yourself the center if the world by thinking, “what I want is not more important than the benefit of the whole community.” With true compassion everyone enjoys the same benefits. Applying wisdom to the compassion means not holding on to the way things “should” be.

Kindness and caring will help us overcome all obstacles. The transformation starts with ourselves. We need to give ourselves the love, kindness, forgiveness and the space to transform.

Boston Dharma Punx meets weekly at the Lutheran Church, 66 Winthorp St, Cambridge, MA on Sundays from 4:00-5:30. Check our web site for updates.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

Freedom

The present is the only moment where you can choose freedom….. The freedom not to be controlled by habitual patterns and social conditioning. Being present and seeing your patterns and knowing you have agency over them.

Be present and make a conscious choice with understanding will bring you a moment of freedom. And…. there is freedom in forgiving yourself from bad choices you’ve made.

We we are constantly falling short of where we want to be so if you can’t forgive yourself, you don’t really have a Buddhist practice.

The Three Poisons

The 3 poisons or the three unwholesome roots in Buddhism, are called the three root Kleshas in Sanskrit.They are craving or desire for pleasant things, aversion or anger at unpleasant things and ignorance or non-interacting. All our thoughts fall into these 3 categories. They are considered to be afflictions or character flaws innate in all beings that cause us suffering. The more we get caught up in the story line of these 3 poisons the more we suffer. As we spiral down into the poisons, we keep speaking to ourselves and our world gets smaller, tighter and restricted. We jump from one poison to another endlessly. People and things trigger our cravings. And when we are caught in the web of our suffering, the world does not present options or a way out.

Train yourself to gently let go of the story and gradually look at what is really underneath it. Get curious about it. Curiosity brings comfort in the face of uncertainty. Curiosity is neutral. Try to make friends with yourself and others without judgement and you will find a place where it is softer, wider and there is more freedom.

The Thinking Mind and The Process of Meditation

"Most people assume that thinking is a virtue and the zenith of human creativity but fail to appreciate that worry, fear and anxiety are thinking operating at an intensified vibration. Everyone knows how difficult it is to stop thinking when agitation or intense feelings arise, as any emotional disturbance fuels the thinking process. Unless someone is prepared to stop thinking or daydreaming in the good times, it will be impossible to halt the thinking momentum when difficulties arise. 

To master the thinker is the most challenging task of the spiritual process. It does, however, yield great self-knowledge and clarity when the practice becomes second nature and the mind becomes obedient to the power of a superior intelligence. In the process of mastering the thinker, it’s important to understand the psychology of thought. A single thought is not thinking. Random images are unavoidable so it’s to be vigilant and consciously alert so as not to allow the next frame to move. The thought will disappear when consciously present in the senses. Once the idea of this is grasped and someone sees in their own experience how effective this is, there’s a much greater sense of being in command of the inner space. Then, when it’s necessary to take some practical action in the world, the mind will function with much greater efficiency, and afterwards obediently return to a state of neutrality.    

The main difficulty is commitment to the discipline of being still. The human mind fears stillness even though it may appear to co-operate for a while, especially in the early stages. Once it grasps you’re serious, however, it’s amazing the range of plausible excuses it makes to avoid making time to be still. The mind has become habitually attached to the momentum of thinking as a means to safeguard its aversion to stillness. This is because the mind equates the state of inner peace as the ultimate dread and fear. The spiritual liberation that everybody yearns to realise is none other than the state of no thought. When this state can be contained and integrated as a way of being, the whole perspective of what it means to be a man or woman of the earth is radically changed. 

The solution to mastering the thinker is the purification of inner space. Whenever the demands of the self are transcended, a little piece of space within the subconscious is reclaimed. This creates, over a period of time, a perimeter of purified space that is impenetrable to negative thoughts and emotions, not unlike a castle moat which prevents the intrusion of any hostile forces. As intelligence dissociates from identifying with erroneous thoughts and memory impressions, the perception is actually withdrawing from the thinking band of the human psyche into the pure psyche, where any unnecessary mental association is transcended. "

www.lancekelly.co.uk

Spiritual Guides

Who are your guides? A guide is any person who teaches us to be wiser and kinder. Animals, a work of music or art, or nature itself can be a guide. Guides show us the ways love can be expressed. They show us a vision of what we can accomplish. The Buddha was a guide, but today we fine guides in ordinary people. Guides appear when we need them. Because no teacher is perfect, and our guides can be flawed. We are all human, and accepting your guides flaws is part of receiving the wisdom your guide possesses. One of the primary roles of a guide is to reflect our wisdom and joy back to us. A guide makes your feelings easier. They share your pain and dissipate your loneliness. Acknowledge and practice gratitude when a guide appears for you.

New Beginnings

A Warm Day

By Louise Glück

 Today the sun was shining

so my neighbor washed her nightdresses in the river—

she comes home with everything folded in a basket,

beaming, as though her life had just been

lengthened a decade. Cleanliness makes her happy—

it says you can begin again,

the old mistakes needn’t hold you back …

Sometimes all you can think during you daily gratitude practice is “I’m grateful the day is over and tomorrow is another day…. I can begin again.”  Beginning again is filled with optimism. Clinging and aversion is where we suffer. Letting go of what we cling to or what we are angry at is hard. On the other side of letting go is beginning again, which is creative and life affirming.

Covid 19 forces us to find joy in the smallest things. The simplicity of cooking a lunch every day or the feeling of clean sheets against your body at night. Preparing for the change in seasons by moving your tee shirts out of your draws and replacing them with your winter sweaters. Doing things we naturally want to rush through slowly and appreciating them with a sense of spaciousness can give us room for new beginnings.

Processing David Foster Wallace Through a Buddhist Lens

Rob lead DPX last Sunday with a meditation focusing on feelings. He encouraged us to investigate the feelings that come up while we meditate. How and where we feel them in our bodies? Being specific and defining them further by putting shapes and colors to the feelings. After the meditation, one person talked about experiencing feeling uneasiness and experiencing fear behind that unease. Moving into that fear, and then having to back out in order to be safe. Focusing on the breath once again, then gradually moving back into the unease and fear. This is the practice of titration. For further information about titration: http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1842

 Rob opened the group discussion by playing a wonderfully humorous and insightful talk by the author David Foster Wallace titled “This is Water.” It was given as the graduating speech to Kenyon college class of 2005. 

 David Foster Wallace explains to us:

“Everything in my own immediate experience supports my deep belief that I am the absolute center of the universe, the realest, most vivid and important person in existence. We rarely talk about this sort of natural, basic self-centeredness, because it's so socially repulsive, but it's pretty much the same for all of us, deep down. It is our default-setting, hard-wired into our boards at birth.” “It's the automatic, unconscious way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life.” “I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities.”

 Wallace concludes that “The world will not discourage you from operating on your default-settings, because the world of men and money and power hums along quite nicely on the fuel of fear and contempt and frustration and craving and the worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom to be lords of our own tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the center of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course, there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talked about in the great outside world of winning and achieving and displaying. The really important kind of freedom involves attention, and awareness, and discipline, and effort, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them, over and over, in myriad petty little unsexy ways, every day. That is real freedom. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default-setting, the “rat race”-the constant gnawing sense of having had and lost some infinite thing.

 David Foster Wallace’s speech dovetails nicely with fundamental Buddhist principals which acknowledges how we project our own inherent biases on situations rather than seeing things and people as empty and impermanent. His speech supports compassion and awareness for yourself and others. Sadly, Wallace committed suicide just 3 years after giving this speech. He suffered from depression his whole life. Our group discussion centered around suicide with one person expressing anger that Wallace was not able to practice what he was advocating so eloquently for. Others shared that you can do all the right things, meditating, hanging out with friends, exercise and then in middle age realize that you are not going to be able to defeat your cycle of depression. Wallace had been on meds, later off them, then on them again, and even tried Electroconvulsive Therapy, (ECT), which works for some people but not all. In the end, we recognize and accept that suicide is a hard thing to understand. As Buddhists, we once again come back to embracing “not knowing.”

 David Foster Wallace’s full speech can be watched here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhhC_N6Bm_s

When Things Fall Apart

Melissa led DPX last Sunday with a body scan meditation that took us through all the sense doors. She then kicked off the discussion with a reading from Pema Chodron’s book, “When Things Fall Apart.” Telling it straight, but always with compassion, Pema says…. Things don’t get resolved, they come together and fall apart. Let there be room for this to happen. We don’t know and we must leave room for not knowing. Disappointments can be a beginning. The spiritual journey is not about getting lasting pleasure with no pain. That is Samsara, grasping and ignorance. Nothing can be counted on for security. We need to learn to stay with the difficult states of mind, the broken heart, the anger, the uncertainty. Staying relaxed in the mists of these difficult states is the spiritual journey, not expecting them to go away.

 In our group discussion we talked about, how we bring our judgements and expectations to a situation, then attach significance, and label it as if it matters. When in truth, nothing is permanent. The suffering comes from clinging our ideas. People in our group talked about their responses to life with Covid. Many felt comforted by knowing we are all in this together struggling with similar situations. Stating that seeing comradery in people all over the world has helped. We are all bottomed out and experiencing something painful at the same time. Similar to life with Covid, members of our group talked about recovery groups that have helped them along their journey by gaining strength and emotional support from shared experience.  Healing through finding commonality with how people begin to overcome enormous grief and loss, and rebuild their lives together.

 Pema Chodron wrote about her need to try to put her life back together after it had fallen apart, as a human instinct and natural desire. But she realized, while putting it back together may seem easier, it’s often is not possible and one needs to move forward not backward. The same configuration doesn’t always work. Each decade we enter brings another challenge for us. Our progression has good and bad cycles. There is a natural aging process marked by life’s stages, so going back is often impossible. Mary reminded us that “With our Buddhist practice, every decade gets better based on the wisdom gained from within.” Brendan aptly stated “Falling apart stems from the misguided assumption that we had it together in the first place. If we don’t have any expectations for our lives to be a certain way, it won’t fall apart.”

Melissa closed our session with an appropriate poem by Emily Dickinson:

We grow accustomed to the Dark —
When light is put away —
As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp
To witness her Goodbye —

A Moment — We uncertain step
For newness of the night —
Then — fit our Vision to the Dark —
And meet the Road — erect —

And so of larger — Darkness —
Those Evenings of the Brain —
When not a Moon disclose a sign —
Or Star — come out — within —

The Bravest — grope a little —
And sometimes hit a Tree
Directly in the Forehead —
But as they learn to see —

Either the Darkness alters —
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight —
And Life steps almost straight.

Accepting Not Knowing

Thanks to Mike for leading DPX this past Sunday with a meditation using the words , calm, soothe, settle to focus on. It was simple and powerful for our group. Then he presented a reading from Pema Chodron. Members of our group talked about other helpful Zoom groups they are attending such as Bill and Susan’s daily meditation through Barre Center for Contemplative Studies https://www.buddhistinquiry.org/online-programs/  and Kathy Cherry’s DPX-NYC morning meditation group https://www.dharmapunxnyc.com/#home-section.

I our group discussion some people talked about injustice in light of the killing by police of George Flyod. Saying “things in the world are so unsettling and it’s important to take action. The pandemic may be impacting people becoming more aware and their ability to act. We struggle with the part we cannot change.”  We recognize that there are a lot of micro movements we can join within the bigger movement to change our broken society. As white people, we acknowledge that we, we have bias. Reading and listening can help. With meditation and mindfulness we realize, “here is where I am, and here is where I can make a difference. This is not a sprint. It’s an ongoing struggle and you need to take care of yourself so you can effectively do the work.” 

Others talked on a more personal level about their recovery and feeling an unformed sense of self. Commenting that “what people call recovery, I call life”, and that “things are always getting better and worse at the same time. That’s why it’s important to remember impermanence.”  Thanks to Mike for sharing with us Pema Chodron’s quote in her book When Things Fall Apart, which sums it up beautifully:

 "Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we don't know what's really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don't know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don't know. We never know if we're going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure”. 

The Five Hindrances

Thanks to Brendan for leading DPX last Sunday with a meditation and talk. He played us a Ted Talk by about finding your individual path using the metaphor of climbing a mountain by Master Shi-Heng Yi. Shi-Heng Yi spoke of the 5 hindrances that get in the way of your individual path. 1.) Sensual desire. 2.) Ill will or aversion. 3.)  Sloth and torpor. 4.) Restlessness. 5.) Skeptical doubt. He stressed that in order to bring meaning and value into your life, one needs to master yourself and not let the hindrances stop you. Master Shi-Heng Yi reminded us that the hindrances are inherently part of our conditioning. He presented 4 ways to align and structure your life to prevent the hindrances. 1.) recognize the hindrance. 2.) Accept and acknowledge the situation or person and let it be. 3.) Investigate why? And what are the consequences? 4.)  Non- Identify. “I am not the body”, “I am not the mind”, “I am not the emotion”. “You can see these, but you are not these”. In our group discussion there were comments expressing an understanding that “whatever happens there is always an opportunity to have compassion for ourselves”. And “An opportunity to appreciate being a human being in progress”. And “The goal is simply an obstacle to overcome as quickly as possible. Pay attention to the journey and don’t be so focused on the end.”

Fear, Doubt and Covid 19

At our Sunday Zoom meeting led by Ray, we did a happiness inducing Metta meditation for everyone in the world who is suffering from the Coronavirus including its emotional and financial trickle down. Our discussion centered around emotions of desire, anxiety, fear and doubt, and how one emotion spirals into the next. Doubt arises from fear. We doubt the best way to control a potential negative future that we are afraid of. It causes us to hold back and we get stuck in ruminating thoughts. Too much thinking and not enough action. We are afraid we are going to pay the consequences and people are going to judge us for doing it wrong. We fear that we will be separated and unloved as a result. 

 Remedies for this downward spiral include, being present and focusing on your breath. Labeling the emotion, saying “This is a moment of suffering.” Meeting it with kindness and without blame, self-blame, or judgement of any kind. Saying “may I be at ease” and “I care about my suffering” Rather than … “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”. Finally, asking yourself “is this useful?” Committing to mindfully trying to understand the emotion and the situation and to face it with positivity, productivity and rewardingly. Don’t obsess over unattainable targets or expectations. Goals should be realistic and attainable. If the situation cannot change, accept it as it is and turn it to an advantage. 

      In our group discussion Bailey talked about the difficulties of living outside her daily routine and commented that in her situation, turning it to an advantage meant learning that is ok to ask for help. Sam talked of shifting from hypervigilance to mindfulness. Mike mentioned gaining resiliency as we go through difficult times. Beth talked about using time more wisely, because we don’t know how much time we have left. 

     Brendan commented that “In many ways, this is no different than normal life. In normal life we have no control, ….it’s just that we have more things to distract ourselves with so we don’t have to think about it. This virus situation takes away everything we have built up and leaves us with only ourselves to observe and be with.” 

      Mike said “It’s a time to question how we want to show up in the world because we are all grieving together. Everyone agreed how surprisingly comforting it was to be with our community and see everyone’s faces. Even if it was through Zoom.