A Year To Live

Thanks to Marco for leading DPX on Sunday. He talked about Stephen Levine’s book, A Year To Live and Barabara Platek’s interview with Stephen Levine, in which he discussed thinking about the reality of dying as if the present year were his last year. We talked about learning to love ourselves and not putting off our dreams.  Comments from our group centered around practicing converting fear into mindfulness and the joy of being awake to how you want to live your life. This Coronavirus quarantine being a “Fruitful time, filled with curiosity and potential” as well as a time not to lose sight if the things we feel grateful for. We are practicing turning social distancing into mindful distancing. https://www.barbaraplatek.com/pdfs/Levine_interview.pdf

Fear, Doubt and Covid 19

At our Sunday Zoom meeting led by Ray, we did a happiness inducing Metta meditation for everyone in the world who is suffering from the Coronavirus including its emotional and financial trickle down. Our discussion centered around emotions of desire, anxiety, fear and doubt, and how one emotion spirals into the next. Doubt arises from fear. We doubt the best way to control a potential negative future that we are afraid of. It causes us to hold back and we get stuck in ruminating thoughts. Too much thinking and not enough action. We are afraid we are going to pay the consequences and people are going to judge us for doing it wrong. We fear that we will be separated and unloved as a result. 

 Remedies for this downward spiral include, being present and focusing on your breath. Labeling the emotion, saying “This is a moment of suffering.” Meeting it with kindness and without blame, self-blame, or judgement of any kind. Saying “may I be at ease” and “I care about my suffering” Rather than … “I shouldn’t be feeling this way”. Finally, asking yourself “is this useful?” Committing to mindfully trying to understand the emotion and the situation and to face it with positivity, productivity and rewardingly. Don’t obsess over unattainable targets or expectations. Goals should be realistic and attainable. If the situation cannot change, accept it as it is and turn it to an advantage. 

      In our group discussion Bailey talked about the difficulties of living outside her daily routine and commented that in her situation, turning it to an advantage meant learning that is ok to ask for help. Sam talked of shifting from hypervigilance to mindfulness. Mike mentioned gaining resiliency as we go through difficult times. Beth talked about using time more wisely, because we don’t know how much time we have left. 

     Brendan commented that “In many ways, this is no different than normal life. In normal life we have no control, ….it’s just that we have more things to distract ourselves with so we don’t have to think about it. This virus situation takes away everything we have built up and leaves us with only ourselves to observe and be with.” 

      Mike said “It’s a time to question how we want to show up in the world because we are all grieving together. Everyone agreed how surprisingly comforting it was to be with our community and see everyone’s faces. Even if it was through Zoom. 

Eye's Open

Thanks to Alex for leading DPX last Sunday with a wonderful full body scan. Starting with an image of “Everything being pushed out your feet, while white light comes in with positivity”. Much of the group discussion that followed centered around the benefits of meditating with your eyes open. Beth spoke of doing Metta on the T and driving with eyes open. Sam spoke of things in life being a flow practice, methodical, mindful, repetition.  Rob mentioned how “thinking of your meditation as unsuccessful is a judgement, and that judgement is the problem. Awareness of the drifting mind, is being aware, and that is the point… not the judgement.” Ray commented that “the act of coming back to focus on the breath has the most lasting benefit.” Barbara spoke of “setting an intention every day to be more aware, knowing she will fail, but using it as a practice of forgiveness.” Bob commented “I no longer rush for anything (except work). Things break down – things happen. I’ll get there when I do.” 

Tonglen Practice

Thanks to Brendan for filling in last minute and leading DPX on Sunday. We meditated to Tara Brock’s version of a traditional Tibetan Tonglen meditation. The meditation started with an embodied smile which can shift your brain’s fundamental energy and we ended with embodying someone else’s pain on the inbreath and then letting their pain out into open space on the outbreath. In the discussion that followed, Mike spoke of staying with discomfort rather than bouncing back and forth between aversion and clinging. We also talked about the suffering of the world and our impact on it and how it can cause anxiety and stress. Alex said that for him “It’s a huge challenge just to be compassionate to the people around you. And that’s enough… rather than an epic world saving guilt trip.” We try to start by doing the internal work of love and compassion through Tonglen Meditation.

Maslow's Hierarchy of needs

Thanks to Beth for stepping up and leading DPX last Sunday. She led us in an Equanimity Meditation and talked about how these meditations can help with emotional regulation. We subconsciously use conditioned maladaptive ways to cope with stressful situations. Equanimity Meditation will replace our hard-wired coping strategies with new thought patterns which gradually become more automatic the more we practice. In group discussion David commented that “Parts of ourselves, such as guilt and shame can overwhelm us and feel like that is all there is, when in reality it doesn’t define who we are.” By repeating “I love you, I will take care of you. I will provide for you what you need”. We generate a feeling of safety and compassion for ourselves. Of course, that lead us to a discussion of exactly what are our basic needs and Maslow’s Hierarchy or Needs. This led to the inevitable the question “Is a cell phone a basic need?”! It is often to painful to recognize your emotional needs because so often they are not being met. I that case we need to practice soaking in the very small ways they are being met. Sometimes we don’t even know what we are feeling. It’s just a knot of confusion. Then we need to care about that confusion without trying to sort it out. Other times our pain is greater than our practice can hold. That is when we need to practice compassion for ourselves without judgement.

Buddhist music

Marco did a great job of leading DPX this Sunday talking about music in the Buddhist tradition. Music can be an offering, can help with memorizing Buddhist texts and can aid in meditation. It can be a bridge between the ordinary and the divine. Chanting can cultivate focus. Music can bring you into the moment of joy, putting you in a different mental state. In group discussion, Mike talked about noticing resistance Marco leading us meditating to music, and then sitting with that resistance and realizing that change can be very fruitful. “Change is as good as a rest.” Sam brought up, the vagueness of the word spirituality. Rob suggested that a better word is connectedness. Connected to people and everything in the universe. Beth added that for her Spirituality is “trusting mystery.” Then Brendan added the definition, “An openness that the world is not what you perceive.” We talked about how the benefits of meditating every day at the same time multiplies greatly over meditating a few times a week at random. Sometimes meditating for just a few minutes can be more beneficial that meditating for 20 minutes. Sometimes meditation can be a coping mechanism when you start moving to extreme states of panic, fear, depression. Stopping and taking 5 minutes to breath and get back to center when needed is the practice. Meditating daily can be preventative, keeping you in your zone of tolerance, thus negating the need to use it as a coping mechanism.